Years ago, I was asked to distill my professional philosophy into a single mission statement. What I wrote still guides my work today:

Listen, inquire, and guide so that we can transform conflict and uncertainty into calm and understanding.

That mission is closely tied to my work as a mediator, but it also reflects how I approach my work as an attorney, arbitrator, and workplace investigator. More broadly, it’s a philosophy that shapes how I approach conflict in my own life as well. Regardless of the role I’m serving, my goal is remarkably consistent: to listen carefully, ask thoughtful questions, and help people navigate uncertainty.

Litigation is inherently uncertain. No matter how strongly someone believes in their case, there is always risk. Facts are disputed. Credibility is tested. Judges, juries, and arbitrators don’t always see a case the way we expect they will.

In my experience, conflict and uncertainty consume mental energy. They invite us to replay conversations we’ve already had and rehearse future conversations. They follow us home at night, distract us from the people we care about, and occupy space in our minds when we’re struggling to fall asleep.

That’s one of the reasons I love mediation. It gives parties the opportunity to confront that conflict and uncertainty and determine whether there is a better path forward.

To me, mediation is about helping people make informed decisions. Often, that decision is to settle a dispute, but not always.  In my opinion, a successful mediation is one in which each party has had the opportunity to tell their story, listened to the other side’s perspective, understood the risks and benefits of the available options, and made an informed decision about what is in their own best interests.

Listening

A mediator must listen. Both to what is being said and what is not being said. A mediator must understand what is motivating each party, what lies beneath the conflict, and what they need to emerge on the other side.

The parties to a mediation must listen as well. One of the first things I tell parties in a mediation is that I don’t expect them to agree with everything (or anything) the other side says. In fact, they may leave mediation believing just as strongly that they are right.  But they do need to listen.

Understanding the other side’s perspective doesn’t require accepting it. It simply gives each party the information they need to evaluate risk, consider possibilities they may not have previously considered, and ultimately make the informed decision that mediation is all about.

Inquiring

A mediator’s most valuable tool isn’t persuasion. It’s curiosity.

One of the most meaningful compliments I’ve ever received after a mediation came from a party who thanked me for not trying to convince him he was wrong. Instead, he said, I had asked questions that helped him reach his own conclusions.

My role isn’t to tell parties whether they should settle or continue litigating. It’s to ask thoughtful questions, test assumptions, and help them see their dispute from different perspectives so they determine what is best for them.

Guiding

While I don’t tell parties what they should do, I do share my observations about the strengths and weaknesses of their positions, discuss the risks of litigation, and explore the challenges that lie ahead. I help guide the parties toward a resolution or, at the very least, toward greater understanding and clarity.

Sometimes that clarity leads to settlement. Sometimes it leads to continued litigation. Either outcome can be the right one if it’s an informed choice.

The most rewarding mediations aren’t necessarily the ones where everyone leaves happy. They’re the ones where people leave lighter. Not because every problem has disappeared, but because they’ve stopped wondering what they should do next. They’ve listened. They’ve considered the risks. They’ve asked and explored the hard questions. And they’ve made a choice they believe is right for them.

That’s why I love mediation. Not because every case settles. Not because every party leaves happy. But because mediation gives people the opportunity to listen, inquire, and ultimately choose the path that’s right for them. And when they do, the uncertainty that has occupied so much of their mental space begins to give way to greater clarity, more confidence, and, hopefully, a little more calm.